My on worst enemy

I am a prisoner. Locked up in my own cell. The world is the warden.
I can not drink
I want a drink
You drink too much, they say
Your liver is gonna go.

I am a prisoner in my own prison
I can not face them
Demons control me, they say
You are a bad influence, some say
I know not what they know

I am a prisoner in a world I once belonged
I can not walk
I can not get out of the house
You don’t belong here they say
A waste of skin

I am a prisoner gaoled within my mortal coil
I am my own warden
Voices tell me I am useless
They tell me they hate me,
A waste of space

I am a prisoner for all to see,
The world is the warden
I am scared of my own shadow
I am going to burn in hell,
The man with the white collar says

I am a prisoner no one wants
Forgotten by my friends
Unwanted by kith and kin
Banished to the prison that is within me
Loneliness is my companion

I am prisoner,
My conscience is the warden
You can’t say that, I hear it say
You can not do that, the voice says
I know I am no good

I am a Prisoner, no one can save
The dark walls surround me
An abyss I slowly sink into

Prisoner (TV series) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Locked away in darkness
No one to save me

I am a prisoner, marooned, abandoned
Unseen walls around me
I know not what freedom is’
Float like a butterfly, fight, man fight
There is no fight left in me

Buffalo Theory

Theory expertly explained:

The Buffalo Theory: One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. And here’s how it went:

“Well ya see, Norm, it’s like this… A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

“In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”

I found this on a Forum and decided I should share. It’s so good. I used to watch Cheers, and remember that I used to wonder whether all pubs where that fun. I was a young boy then. I also remember once (maybe more than once) going to Cheers Bar in London, just to see whether it was as good as the TV Bar. From the bits I remember I had fun, however, and a few of the weaker cells may have been exposed to a premature end.

Any road, the Theory has been around for centuries, and it has been repeated and shared countless times.Which seems to show everyone loves it. Cliff Calvin turned it into something quite memorable and popular in that episode of Cheers

Herd of Buffalo (Photo credit: ambergris)

TV show. However, I remember a long time ago some egotistical leaders tried to use this theory or some variation of this theory to justify their  abominable barbaric policies. From where I sit, the Theory is just a bit of fun. Pubs tend to have a very good share of patrons who are ‘philosophers’ or theorists-normally they only ‘come out’ after a few drinks. It is all banter and good fun, I suppose.

What do other people think?

Drink blog

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Out on the lush . Cheap booze at Thomas Burke in God’s own Country, England.

This was meant to be a cool drinker’s blog. And unfortunately, the ‘demon drink‘ played tricks up and the brain got lazy. Be that as it may,  I have often wondered why after one or 2 drinks the creative part of the brain works up. Chat up lines get more acute, vision gets better, its more fun and the world becomes one’s oyster.

I am not trying to glorify drink. No one should. However, I am also not trying to speak badly of drinking. Some people do. I have never been ‘holier than thou’ and shan’t start pretending to be after all the years of experience i have gathered. Like a moss. I have often had, and often recounted that the Bible recorded the first historical account of the acceptance of ‘alcohol’ within the Christian faith. Wines were made  miraculously by Jesus. If alcohol was such a demonic drink…..The thing about drink that we all appreciate is that it gets us trolleyed. Bladdered. Whacked. Drunk. We can never ever conquer it, however, how many times we try. It’s actually quite funny sometimes watching people dance after they have had a few drinks, especially at weddings.

I actually remember the first time I had a drink. I was a late developer,so all my mates were veterans by the time I started. My first ever drink was a gin & tonic! Oh yes. I used to hang out with ladies who liked to ‘lunch’, and they always had G&T. The ribbing I get these days from my mates when I ordered a G&T! It was especially quite bad a few months ago when on a boys weekend, we visited a small village near Cardiff, and lo and behold yours truly ordered a G&T-all my mates were drinking lager/beer or whisky! I had to endure some spicy remarks. Messages were even posted on Facebook,but I stuck to my guns. I digressed there. When I started drinking, I tried to hide it from my mom so much that my sisters found it hilarious. My mom knew all along that I was drinking, well, not at alot but still I could not man up and say ‘mom I love you, but I also love a beer now and again!’ She ‘only found’ out when one night, I just could not stand or sit still and ended up knocking the food off the table. I had outed myself! Very embarrassing indeed.

Talking of parents, do you ever wonder why parents are always good at scaring kids. Its like they attend a ‘parents’ school whose main subject is ‘Scare the hell off those little kids’. . ‘Hell’ here has no religious relevance, its a substitute for a word I felt some of a unique disposition may find rather crass. You here parents, ad infinitum claiming: ‘Don’t do that or you will go blind’; ‘Dont  watch too much TV or your eyes get square’….There is always a warning attached to something that kids like to do. Wouldn’t it be funny to have  ‘Parenting skills‘ as part of the school syllabus. That way we could get formalised qualifications as the current hotchpotch system aint working. universities will not struggle to get students and the scourge of conservatism-single parenthood could be eliminated! Imagine having a PhD in parenting from Harvard? Or University of Oxford? Or even Oxford-Brookes? One thing for certain though is that no one will ever agree on the curriculum. It is a pleasure being a parent and like breathing, it is something that should come naturally. It can be a challenge, and very difficult. Breathing can challenging too after a run, exercise or overly-excited. And also when unwell.

I am off camping. I  hope you are all having a great summer. Happy drinking.  Happy parenting. Or just be happy, what ever you are doing.